Sunday, May 7, 2017

I Can't Fuck This Up: The Continuing Saga of My Education

I am still feeling like I am in the wrong field, and I have been struggling even more to keep up at work. Attempting to hit deadlines, maintain my schedule and generally do a good job have left me feeling burnt out and disappointed. Unfortunately, I don't have a backup plan, so I have continued on in this position, and I even signed up for classes again.

If I didn't continue to take classes, I would probably have been fired. I'm really hoping that 1. this isn't a waste of even more money, and 2. that this doesn't send me into another suicidal spiral. I'm not sure how this is going to be any different than previous semesters, but I literally can't fuck this up.

In terms of financial pressures, I managed to pay off my tuition from before, and I set up a payment plan that does not include loans for this upcoming semester. Because my job requires that I pay for experience hours if I leave, I have set up a secondary savings plan to add money to whenever I have an experience hour, so if I can't keep going for some reason, I don't end up even more in debt. The money has not been the truly stressful part of this educational process though. I can't put my finger on what makes school so incredibly horrible for me, but I had the same issues in my first 3 years of undergraduate as I did when I was attempting to take classes for my Master's before.

When I figure it out, I will write another post about it. School starts tomorrow though, so back to the grind
.

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